• Rhianna Weaver

Divorce isn't easy. I’m not going to lie

Five steps to keep to help you prepare

My body is full of anxiety, I’m pacing in circles, contemplating my decision. I was 100 percent sure nearly 5 mins ago. I know in my heart it is time to move on. Still, my mind keeps telling me he's a good man, all those negative things that happened two weeks ago tucked far away in my mind, all those things that I can't live with anymore. Still, he was nice to me today; he picked the kids up from school and made me a coffee this morning; he's a good man, and I would be crazy to leave.

Sound familiar?

I went through all these thoughts; most people I have spoken to have also felt the same way. Why do we torture ourselves with should I stay, or should I go? If you’re like me and you’ve had to make this decision, you’ve asked everyone around you, even the Whole Foods cashier (spoiler alert: she didn’t have the answer either). Turns out the answer is always within. So be gentle and kind with yourself, and consider these five things if you’re considering separation:

1. Consult a mental health professional who works with marriage and divorce - This could be a coach, an intuitive, psychotherapist or a psychologist. Speaking to a trained specialist who doesn't know you or your story can be a blessing, this is a really productive way to break down all your thoughts and feelings to make a clear decision. Divorce is also an opportunity to heal many wounds, change beliefs and explore what your new identity may look like. This is a win, win.

2. Seek out a divorce lawyer - Get referrals from friends and family. Interview a few attorneys before you settle on one. Finding the right fit is crucial, this person will become part of your village, you may need someone who will hold your hand, especially in a situation where you have been abused or someone who is a pitbull and can find all those offshore accounts, you may need someone who has a strong understanding of mental illness and child custody laws. Can you work with this person? This is your divorce, you get to choose. Pro Tip : Attorneys offices double check to see if your spouse had a consultation, if they have they can’t work with you. Make Sure you contact your top 3 lawyers before they do!

3. Look into your financials - Collect all bank statements, investments, pension info, college funds for the kids, all bank accounts and even business financials if your spouse is self-employed. Remember, once you both start talking divorce, you could very well lock each other out of what's “not yours”

4.Go with your gut. I know, it sounds cliche, but that’s because it’s true! Think back to the things your gut has told you in the past, and think about what would have happened if you’d listened to it. The mere fact that you’re going back and forth on this decision is a message from your gut. Pay attention, and respect what it’s telling you.

5. Be Kind to yourself - Divorce can be an extremely stressful moment in time, but I promise you the pain, anger, fighting will end and you have the opportunity to create your best life. You decided to leave; now it’s time to hold your head up high. No shame, no guilt, you have the opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start new rules, new boundaries and new beliefs. This is your time to heal and your time to thrive.

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